and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best"
I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas."
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
can we for just one second remember that I played with a homeless man's rat at st marks?
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
Also, I don't know if it's the drugs I'm on or not, but I truly believe I was hypnotized last night listening to an audio book.
You can be responsible and still be on that ho life
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
Randomize
