if you take his cock out, you have to give him a bj. it's like giving a moose a muffin.
did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
Randomize
