It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
just fucked my old babysitter, gotta love block parties
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
It was horribly awesome. Its like looking at the sun, you know its bad for you but I just couldn't stop looking.
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
Randomize
