He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span.
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
I will miss his soup and his dick the most
It sounds like heaven mixed with world peace and orgasms. The acoustics in this car are awesome. Or it's the weed idk either way it's great
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
i just found my fake in the snow. LIFE IS AWESOME
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
Randomize
