TYLER... glimpse of last night: leather chaps, guacamole dip, a jump rope, spray paint, and rhinestone studded pajamas.
i think you have the wrong number... but your story sounds delightful.
Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
Sad Megan is Sad
Have you been drinking my beer?
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
I just watched will sing pure imagination from willy wonka and then blow a banana
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
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