Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
I just took a girl with a hip brace and crutches on a date. she obviously can't bone. is it rude to demand a blowjob?
Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
i just hate vaginas for liking penis's insside them
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
Just saw a dude take a shot in the parking lot in his car. Too early in the semester for that
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
New one isn't as good asmy ex. She won't put her tongue up my butt
Peter this is your "ex"
I stand by what i said
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
Randomize
