Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
then my best friend's brother, boyfriend, and future bro in law showed up at the bar. they asked who i was there with. didn't know if "a 40 year old man" or "my 5th grade teacher" was better answer.
I don't know how but I have our hotel room door handle in my purse... this can not be good
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
So what other shows do you masturbate to? Or is it just friends
Not only did I sleep with the guy but I think I may have called my work and quit to go work for him.
We're pretty sure we got naked at Pride, so running the two blocks to your place in my underwear is a step up the dignity ladder really.
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
Randomize