I knew I had to get an abortion when his toddler sister came up to hug my leg and I kicked her off saying, "Get off, fucker."
you asked a group of latinas stood by the bar to hold a minutes silence for ugly betty getting cancelled. that drunk.
I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
It's been so long since i rode in a trunk. I'm riding in a trunk btw
Just beat off to internet porn while talking to my mom on the phone and eating a cinnamon roll. U have 5 minutes to get on my level
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
Judging by my bruises, I know I took more than one tumble. I probably pulled u down w me, and then punched you in the knee. Been trying to find a place to fix my phone between naps today. Almost no place accepts hand js as currency these days. 2013 is gonna be expensive and whorey.
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
He's probably the biggest I've seen outside of the porn I vehemently deny watching and he asks if I think he's too small
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
He screamed, "Let there be light!" when he came
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
Randomize
