Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
So after i got done, she went over and got out her gecko, I felt like I was in an X rated geiko commercial.
I walked into the bathroom and the toilet was on fire... I stood there for like a minute trying to decide whether I should put it out or get my camera.
he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
Just wanted you to know two things, 1st I sent the second thing to a broad ive been talking too. 2nd that was not just a fart.
This hurricane was the perfect excuse to buy 2 pounds of animal crackers and a case of beer. It's on Sandy.
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
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