it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
is drinking for groundhog day legit?
well you blacked out on MLK day and we pregamed arbor day, so yes
Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
he told me it was nice to see me not blacked out mumbling to myself in the front seat, I told him it was nice to see him not in handcuffs.
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
Shit day. Some kids decided to open my car at 3 AM while I was at work and the alarm went off. I went after them with a sword but they were minors so I didn't kill them.
Randomize
