Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
worse. her friends hid in the bathroom while she gave me head and then screamed surprise right as i was about to cum
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
I'm really proud of her, she waited until she was on tiled floor to start puking on the ground
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
For the love of god, if any of you are up, bring me pants.
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
Randomize
