I don't want to talk about it. He was like the Little Engine that couldn't get me off.
IM SAVING ALL MY LOVE FOR YOU
I don't want it.
Nothing good has ever or will ever come from 50 cent beers at the bowling alley..
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
were you high?
When?
Actually just blanket yes to that question
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
Randomize
