I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
week 6 of class: i have yet to go to spanish sober. i love being THAT girl.
I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
how many dildos make it a "collection?"
id one day like to live in a world full of emotionless and wonderfully fullfilling sex...
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
Is it day drinking when the suns up like when does that start
asking for a friend
I'm intrigued by how his mouth tasted the same as his dick.
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
Randomize
