When I'm drunk i like to pretend my penis is zeus and instead of peeing i'm throwing lightning bolts into the toilet...it helps me focus.
While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
My gyno told me the birth control she prescribed reduces sex drive
wats the point then?
We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
quadriplegic porn is always funny
no. no its not
it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
Had her hockey skates on in the house. Whole floor is ruined.
there are some nice people on this island. free ride free pancakes and they even prayed for us when they dropped us off
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
the girl next to me was drawing sonic the hedgehog on her exam what the fuck
godspeed
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
It's to the point where if a guy can so much as find my clit, I'll consider him amazing in bed
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