sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
Haha im sorry. Its just financially responsiable to bang him instead of you right now.
It just goes to show you, your dreams can come true. You can hook up with your dads hot married friend.
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
My neck is PURPLE. This is NOT a good day to be indoctrinated by the cardinal...
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
Arrived home from picking Mom and Nana up at the airport to find Marc buck ass nude beneath the Christmas tree. Nana says she always knew I was queer.
at the hospital. Kevin drank straight from the river
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