It's always exciting to touch a new boob.
No shame. Just smoked a bowl with a Norwegian. Feels like something to cross off a list.
How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
Just took 4 secret shots in his bathroom to not remember him naked.
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
Randomize
