he said i look beautiful when i cum. i think i'm in love.
Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants
He ended up walking out of his bedroom and told me to look at the nonexistent fire he was holding in his hand. Im upset I didn't take those shrooms.
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
Ill tap morse code on the ceiling when im ready for you to come down amd smoke
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
Well my parents know I get medical Cannabis they saw me on the news at the dispensary
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
Randomize
