Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
This is one of those situations that make me think to myself "what life decision did I make to get here"
Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
If letting him bang me while i'm wearing reindeer antlers and a painted red nose isn't the christmas spirit, I dont know what is
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
Seriously, this trumpet player gives me chills. Might be the drugs.
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
I've done dumber things than this for flimsier reasons. Come with. If I pull it off I need a witness, and if I fail I need an escape plan.
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
Randomize
