okay pat passed out under dana's car
I would pay so much money for a video of you fucking a sheep
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
I can't even teach it... It's just natural slutyness.. My mom has it too
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
lets face it, we have a liquor cabinet with a designated chocolate shelf
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
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