Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
he went down on me with a nose plug on, you tell me how it went
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
sick fucks of a feather flock together
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
there is a tent in the living room. its a vip tent room. i want in.
You know you're high when you find yourself sitting on the floor with the refrigerator door open, talking to various foods. Hand gestures and all.
Randomize
