mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
i remember too much of last night for it to have been successful
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
according to the video, you won you first drunken karaoke contest based off of your actual singing abilities and not because you took your shirt! I've never been prouder :)
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
high moment I think I just reached personal nirvana
These rednecks don't fuck around. This party is completely BYOB and we now have 6 kegs, 3 of which have already been emptied.
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
Randomize
