i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
Can we have fireworks this year or will the ocean explode?
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
So i told him he was the 3rd i have ever slept with and then i found out he had actually slept with 5 other girls besides me. And his reply was well your number one on this hand.
it's official, i've been high in 26 different states, and three different countries.
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
if it makes u feel better, i skipped class so i could go to a sex convention in jersey a few hours earlier than if i went to class.
We never leave a bad bitch behind. its a party foul..we'll find you somehow
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
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