i broke my thumb. i no longer have 2 opposable thumbs. i'm sub-human. i love vicodin.
Is it possible to jerk off a nipple?
I wish that guy wasn't missing teeth
you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
Sunburnt clitoris. How do I deal with it.
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
So, seriously. How does it feel to know that you're riding a cock that was in kindergarten when you were going to prom?
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
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