cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
my sisters under your porch take her home
Update. It gets worse. A) he's done viagra and B) he wears socks at all times.
I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
I dont think punching her boob is the type of reverse psychology that will get her to blow you.
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
I can tell that I'm high when listening to celine dion becomes such a life changing experience
The pandemic has not made Uber drivers any less chatty.
Randomize
