Wow so rude I was trying to have an orgy later but whatever
I think having sex with you would be a great treat for us
you guys got to bein so kosher and go with the flow
haha i think we're both just down to be fuck buddies..but i do have a hickey and a bit of a big lip and fucking burns on my knees..note to self hooking up on a golf course is NOT that exciting
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
I have tan lines from my nipple rings.
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
I'm sorry but it's something you and your A cups wouldn't understand.
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
Randomize
