he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
I'm not ready for the Pike bikes to move back in to town it was wonderful seeing that sorority house empty all summer
... I'm KD
Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
At beerfest, hammered, going to try to not get naked in public but i cant make any promises
She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
My usual answer of have sex with it doesn't work in this situation
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
Randomize
