bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
ive been sending my husband naked pics of my whole body from my phone..its a work phone. do you think our boss can see? if so, im either getting fired, or a raise.
you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
He kissed a someone with a penis
I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
i think i got so emotional from a mix of getting my period and slapping the bag like five times
The first thing they saw when they walked in was all four of our std test's hangin on the fridge....i'd be worried if they didn't think we were sluts
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
my vagradar is going off.. it smells a soldier
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
We should form a club for all of us that have stabbed a sibling with a fork!
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