Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
the crunchwrap supreme is the def leppard of the taco bell menu
which is why it's clearly superior
soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
maybe tonight we can turn coloring into a drinking game
I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
Just slept with my boyfriend's roomie to learn if bf was cheating on me
Good plan. When in doubt, sleep about.
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?
BING! You are now free to move about my panties. He just left for work.
I don't understand why you aren't on this trip all I do is smoke weed drink beer and get fingered
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
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