you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
He was with one girl when I went to bed, wad with another when I woke up and now he just told me he was with a 3rd in-between last night and this morning. Jesus Christ.
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
Hold me and let me compliment your butt
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
what did we do after we left your crib?
you layed down in some rocks for about an hour, you stole some pumpkins, you passed out and started shaking, we got t-bell, we took you back to the dorm.
Randomize
