You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
normal stoners make pot brownies. gay stoners make pot chocolate covered cherries on a cinnamon graham cracker crust which by the way are very effective.
I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
yeah he didnt know till after their one year. You have no idea how bad i wanna say "dude i sucked on those boobs before you"
Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
What's the sex policy on a school bus? Because I dibs back seat.
Sex allowed. Dress code is neon and obnoxious.
We are gonna die. I wanna enforce the "no jumping out of moving vehicles" policy. And how are we gonna get a school bus through mcdonalds drive thru?
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
okay when i look at this i can see it on the future news along with the headline "picture scandal involving senatorial candidate sexually harassing drunken idiot in what appears to be a pink room of pain"
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂
Randomize
