I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
listening to the two girls in the next stall finish a 40 and laugh at this guy they both fucked. they're calling him 'tulip dick'.
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
Jello shots and homoerotic movie scenes bingo?
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
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