we might have left him a semi topless video on his wall. godd i just hope they suspend my accont so i stop doing thses things.....
so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
You just kept saying over and over "Tell me I won't do it." Someone finally told you you won't. You did. Welcome to herpes.
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
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After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
I LOVE YOU NO MATTER HOW MANY BALLS YOUVE SUCKED
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
Ive done some fucked up shit, but last night was the first I have Poured milk on anothers mans face in the shower.
It's entirely possible that I'm fucking yet another gay guy
A hefty woman and I mean hefty shoved her number in my pocket at the gym without as much as a hello, winked and kept walking. Going to use your bed to defile her, don't want her to know where I live or have my neighbors see! Thanks, you're a pal!
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
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