My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
he's 24. he finally texted me instead of using facebook chat. baby steps.
the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
What is wrong with this kid? He'll take ecstasy but won't take dayquil?
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
Im trying to find an appropriate gift to your mom for getting both you and your sister on birth control within a week, any suggestions?
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
TOUCH YOURSELF. DO IT.
I don't think that's how you're supposed to sext
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
Oh yeah, it was definitely the best sex of my life, I just don't think I can fix the kitchen table before my parents get back...
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
Right after i got done cumming i sat back and gave a big Ric Flair "WOOOOOO!"
Randomize
