how was the sex?
he smelled like pickles and burnt hair.
well, there's that.
just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
is cock-oriented a word? I'd say I'm that lately.
Do you know what's great about Canada?..... There will always be a Tim Hortons on my walk of shame route
They tried. Someone started to yell beer shower but he spun around and punched them in the mouth before they even finished saying beer. He's a fast little drunk.
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
It's amazing
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
Son of a bitch took my liquid eyeliner
Amazon is not showing any promising results for penis tree toppers and I am genuinely surprised. Clearly this is a market that needs to be addressed.
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
only you would understand that I was talking from the perspective of my boobs
There way too many people in that club who have had their dick in me
Randomize
