But honestly u used to be a cool guy and lately uve been superame(734): Superlame
He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
Nope changed our mind. Decided your strange bacon like body odor wasn't what we want to smell tonight.
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
Any chance I can buy my dignity back with $45?
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
The first guy I ever sexted is having a baby.. Is this what adulthood feels like?
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
Also I've accepted I am not going to be a catch today. I look like a dead hooker and the remedial work is going to be patchy at best with the shakes I've got.
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
Why would you ask him if you could lick his chest?
He has a very lickable chest
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