remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
woke up with withdrawal cold sweats this morning. spring break must really be over.
the higher we get, the more he looks like ray charles.
well you decided to make everyone "drinks" which was sprite and beer mixed.
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
His cuteness will no longer contol my vagina
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
He said his name was Tony, after last night I will refer to him as Tiny
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
There's a Japanese guy here dressed as a Viking who just screamed "wats up cocksluts" and kicked a guy in the face. come get me out of here.
I'm not saying you're stupid, just that you have bad luck when thinking...
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
Randomize
