no but I have been chillin' like em' homeboys in the rainforest yo!
I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
Turns out I wasn't throwing up blood, I just threw up so hard it ripped my tonsils. Thank you Jameson.
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
You told us that you don't have to wait in line at Taco Bell. Then, drove up to the window and grabbed someone else's food.
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
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