After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
Motor boating, judging by the amount of lipstick I found I would say between 6 to 8 times
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
I feel like he's only with me because no one else would blow him.
I would feel bad sleeping with her unless all of her personalities were on board with it.
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
My stripper pole led lights flash with the sound so it's awsome with music
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
MEG JUST LICKED A DRAIN PIPE. DAVE PUNCHED MATT IN THE THROAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN. I REPEAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN.
So basically he is jobless, a potential serial killer, and has poor taste in music? We simply don't have time for that.
In case you were wondering I realized something last night, Rick James was correct. Cocaine is a hell of a drug.
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