Who is this?
Who do you want it to be?
Sarah Palin
I've got the updo, bangs, and glasses, but I'm blonde
Is it just me, or does Colt McCoy look like Herbie the Dentist from "Rudolph the Red-nosed Reindeer"?
he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.
The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...
i found two dead squirrels on my front step this morning.. do you think they have something to do with my missing phone?
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
I forgot to tell you, that tinder guy literally lives 15 floors beneath me. I have been creepily saying things to him like "I see youve got a hammer on the patio"
I'm fine w planning around your penis prospecting. Saturday it is.
She is still out of it but keeps saying ur name she said to tell u dinosaurs aren't real but biscuit with a z made bad choices
i'm the most scandalous girl at stop and shop. i kinda have to fuck him in the meat cooler.
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
Randomize
