and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
i'm home, then i'll come over
ightttt gangstaaaaaaaaaaaa
nvm.
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
The power of my boobs compel you
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
Randomize
