We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
In a min. With a stripper at the hospital. Business. Not pleasure.
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
I was busy. But now I'm about to consume alcohol and chicken. We shall see where this takes us. Maybe to the moon, maybe to the floor. I have no idea.
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
Where is Holly?
Nevermind. i can hear her having sex two doors down
So, i might have left my morals back in 2011.
Randomize
