it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Seriously your house is like the underground railroad for unwanted gay kids
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
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