I'm starting a business if you want to get involved
oh boy
Its called Cut N Tugs, haircuts with happy endings
u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
I was wondering where I've seen this kid then I remembered I saw him doing lines of blow of his gf's leg while she was sleeping last week.
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
the funny thing was, all i remember was a liter of vodka and going to oneonta for the night. then 2 weeks later bam, i get a letter banning me from campus for the next 4 years. awesome convorsation with my dad to wake up to.
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
Randomize
