I need to talk to you about an important matter involving lesbians.
do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
I skipped work to stalk him.
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
Ok John needs to move to the other side of the county. I do not like to be approached for a blow job in the produce section of Holiday Market.
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
he's so sweet and its so cute. but I swear to fuck if I let my guard down and this was all a lie I am going to become a serial killer.
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
It’s easy for me to be professional, the tough part is finding the perfect amount of bitchy undertone
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