I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
you tried to scramble eggs in my dryer last night. i want you here in 15 minutes to clean this shit up
Just found out its our ciliated mucous membrane that traps the molly when we snort it. Biology does relate to life
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
I kinda took a step back after our "surprise bottles night"
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
UHG. i just want to have hot lesbian sex and eat pizza with you.
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