Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
No - a douche bag is not a fashion accessory. They do not make Gucci Douchebags
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
she's sitting alone using her breathalyzer as a kazoo. help.
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
She came back in her actual cheerleader uniform. Made a bad bj tolerable.
Oh just chilling alone with a stranger baby while everyone else clambakes the bathroom. Probation is the reason there is bad things in the world.
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
Also I’m on 3%. Just Incase.. I miss you and I love you and you’re my everything and I’m getting drunk.
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
Is it appropriate to be taking shots at 11 on sunday?
Absolutely same thing as church only different
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
Randomize
