where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
I take back everything bad I said about that song party in the usa. There's just something about seeing a cross dresser lipsing it that makes a song sooo much better.
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
I created a photogrid for every picture he has ever sent me of his penis. Now I can see every angle at one time. THIS IS GREAT.
Just had the best random sex ever with a girl I picked up from a pro choice rally uptown. God bless the Democratic National Convention.
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
I just made mac at 3:10 am... My life is falling apart...
I get so sad when I watch him slowly destroy his life with whiskey and cocaine. Then he bites my neck and I just want to fuck him. I can't help it.
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