i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
Going to get tested monday. You're coming with. Bonding time, slut style.
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
seriously they are like going to hulk burst through. There are perks and downfalls to having big boobs
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
Randomize
