i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
at FSU your more likely to get an STD than a parking spot
Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
She's just so happy...and so naked.
He said he wanted to go to France " just to piss in the nice areas". I want to fuck him.
Thanks for having me and my emotional baggage over last night.
Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
if having to see my ex’s dick once in a while is the price I pay to the universe for making my life go a little smoother, I’ll take it
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