apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
Are you around on Saturday? Feeling a trip over
Wet with either fear or sexual excitement
I think a mixture of both is appropriate
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
I just duct taped myself into my costume. I apologize in advance if you find me in a compromised position involving duct tape and underwear when you get home tonight
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
I can't turn off my feet"
the girl whose rug I peed on is here
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
Talked to the dude for a hour . I now know where he lives, his occupation, his goals, his dreams and what his dick looks like.
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
Randomize
