Think the blond can even spell "shiksa"?
I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
She deleted me on Facebook. I think it's safe to say that she knows I fucked him now.
Randomize
