Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
17 year olds will be the death of me.
It got messy; I did a shot of seamonkeys.
So my dealer asked me if I wanted to join his circle because we smoked so much this summer he thinks we're dealing
So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
They just dared her to tape flip flops to her tits. Entertainment value cannot be found like this in any other part of America.
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
STOP SENDING ME NAKED PICTURES WHEN I'M TRYING TO TEACH. MONDAY TUESDAY 1-3 IS A DICK AND ARSE FREE ZONE
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
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