WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
do you know mcdonalds refuses to give out large cups of water now? you have to buy a bottle or they give you a small cup. No exceptions.
RUDE.
I said FINE, then I'd like 7 small waters and 2 of those nifty carrying cases to carry about my h2o.
outsmarted mickey deeeees
it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
CUTE BOY IN THE OFFICE WALKED BY AS I WAS STARING IN HORROR AT HARRY POTTER THEMED SKELETON PORN
WE ARE DOING DRUGS AND GOING TO THE STRIP CLUB SATURDAY LADIES
Randomize
