apparently the secret to your success is patron
grad school is all the worst parts of undergrad, without the binge drinking and bad decisions to make up for it
So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
We defiantly won best dressed in the ER tonight
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
From the guy that lifted you into a fan I'm sorry
I haven't seen her in ages, how is she?
Well I woke up next to her this morning so I guess I would say she could be doing better
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
I'm 22 and I'm drinking hawaiian punch from a sippy cup. Everything is right in the world.
HIGH AS FUCK. JUST WATCHED THE TRIPPIEST VIDEO EVER. IM NOT SCARED OF PANDAS. I GOTTA GO. TRIPPIN AGAIN
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
Randomize
