If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans?
Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass.
When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
1. my parents still have sex. 2. being a screamer runs in the family. 3. so much so that i can tell what number of orgasms she's on. 4.so looks like i'm stuck outside a while
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
If this week is any indication of my life here I've got to get out ASAP. My liver can't hack it.
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
Also I think I realized when my life started to turn into shambles.. The day I took my high school senior picture WITH A HICKEY ON MY NECK
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
I’ve seen not one, but three Facebook articles on my feed today about “how to eat ass”. Idk what the universe is trying to tell me but it’s needs to chill
How many gummy vitamins can I eat before I die
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
Randomize
