lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
Alone. In an inflatable pool. Drinking vodka and raspberry lemonade. I don't need approval as much as I need to know you love me still.
Im deleting that text because its a possible ncaa violation
When you guys came back from the bar, I thought everyone was a T-Rex - Thats why i was hiding under the table. Never doing shrooms with Drunk people again
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
My tuesday consisted of speaking to a federal agent for two hours and watching a roving band of gypsies jump over a fire until 2:30am
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
They left around 10:00 this morning. I've been naked since 10:01.
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
Can you recommend a quality dick? I haven’t had a good sexing in a while
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