I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
anyone who says 'i love you' and then followed by 'im going to call the cops if you touch me' doesnt really mean the first part fyi
any chance you can send me your legal ethics outline, in exchange for say, me buying you a lapdance the next time we go to the strip club?
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
We are getting high tomorrow and being statues at the cafeteria. Come find us.
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice
Who knows. I'd probably only get a makeout with an OTPHJ from her so the return on sexual investment from her isn't looking that great.
Is selling savings bonds for acid money something a normal person does?
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
I've finally given up enough on finals week to wear the same shirt three days in a row, because I didn't take my hoodie off for the first two.
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
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