It doesn't matter if they shave you or not, you're still susceptible to the staph infection.
what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
Hello wreck, this is your train calling.
well isn't that the pot calling the kettle a make out whore
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
You kept hugging the big bouncer & feeling the other ones beard
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
Well I took a spicy wing shit in a field this morning.
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
Randomize