goodnight i made you a song goodbye
It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
Dude she let me cum on her face
You have the wrong number I'm the she who let you cum on her face unless some other girl has let you since this morning
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
Dude we gotta go back to your cabin. left glenn. he's calling me crying and still drunk
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
He shit with the door open. I think that means we are in a realtionship.
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
Randomize
