I saw those LARP guys in the street again. One is hot, the other looks like Corey Fieldman's retarded son.
Our teacher totally just got outed in class by a speaker from some lesbian cooperative house
Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
when are you leaving homes?
it's 7:51. why the fuck are you awake at 7:51
I had a sex dream about Oprah.
go back to sleep
dude. it was a sex dream. about. Oprah.
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
It would just be icing on the fucked up cake we're baking, if he got me pregnant.
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
Randomize
