Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
You were outside the bathroom the gay guy was puking in, screaming "IT GETS BETTER!" over and over again. Good message, poor execution.
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
they have a video of him in his boxers making a snow angel in the hallway is his own vomit and coca cola.
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
I didn't realize how trashy of a night we had.
Welllll, you did eat a cherry out of my pussy. So I think that classes it up a little.
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
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