I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
Do you know how when animals have surgery they put those cones around their heads so they can't lick their wounds so they can heal? I think someone should invent that for human emotions.
wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
There are huge fuckin pieces of palm tree in the road. what a road hazard. as i sit here and text you as i swerve to miss them
She recited Pi throughout ever orgasm she had....she said it was a game she likes to play...how far she gets is how she judges her lovers...I am oddly turned on by this...
im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
Dude, he threw a pool chair off of an 8 story building. It was a successful night I'd say.
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
Okay so how much boob would you consider inappropriate for smart casual?
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
Randomize
