He's got a wife and three kids but I'm into being that mistake.
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
I'm pretty sure he sprained my clit...
I look forward to getting really drunk tonight and startling some rando’s mother tomorrow morning while she’s up early making a turkey
It’s a holiday tradition at this point
Randomize
