Megan Fox is the only woman I would let pee on me.
I'm similar. She's the only woman I'd ask to pee on me.
Ok yeah you're right. I'd ASK Megan Fox to pee on me. I'd ALLOW Erin Andrews to pee on me if she asked.
I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
I can't decide if this outfit makes me look like a pirate. I also can't decide if I care if it does.
I need to calm my uterus...
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
That means I have to put pants on. That is not something I am willing to do right now.
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
Randomize
