I would pay so much money for a video of you fucking a sheep
You kept calling me your small dog last night.
tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
we banged on the home plate. i wasnt even aware of the significance of where we were until afterwards hahaha
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
We are having a competition to see who can masterbate in the wierdest place, right now hes winning since he masterbated on his Jr. High school bus.
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
Just masturbating and watching Sports Center...is this what it's like to be a guy?!
She asked me if I would fuck her with my storm trooper mask on
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
It will pretty much be equal to the feeling I had when you let me hold your dick while you were peeing, or when I graduated high school!
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
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