In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
New guy at the liquor store was inexplicably fascinated by our huge jug of williams. First he said what are you gonna mix THAT with? and looked confused when I said air.
lets do drugs on my lunch break tomorrow
Have fun in Vegas! Be safe, use condoms, and take a pic of Jon beforehand to give out when he goes missing. It will help the police.
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
there are LEGIT cum stains on my ceilling. ON THE CEILLING!! you tell me how the relationship was.
Randomize
