He had some BAD nuttage
Nuttage?
It's like cleavage......... but different
the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
I wish "capable of destroying an innocent girl's life" is something I could put on my resume
I woke up after 12 hours of being wildly intoxicated, got jizz on my face, and woke up in a different bed than I passed out in. My makeup is still perfect. I'm writing Revlon a thank you note.
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
Milk that cash cow for all the shots she's worth
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
Btw any and all sexual fantasies or arousal I had about cops is null and void.
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
Randomize
