i may or may not be watching the land before time
Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
She wouldnt stop trying to stick her finger in my ass. I wish she wasnt so hot
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
This is like a walk of shame down memory lane.
Ur here to start shit and I'm here to light that shit on fire
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
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