Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
Why do I feel like I used to feel when I almost got caught looking at porn when I get caught looking at facebook at work
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
I think the worst part about being a real adult is 1)having a high stress job that makes me want to get stoned 2)paying for reefer using my own money 3)realizing my boyfriends children probably have more weed connections than I do anymore
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
I feel better now, I have multiple fuck buddies again
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
Randomize
