i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
Dude, he's legal now. You could not pry me from his dick with the jaws of life.
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
I got snowed in at my parent's. everyone's asleep so I'm smoking a joint in my old room and watching Tarzan on a 12" tv.
They must be so glad to have you home...
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
he had a cock ring. i orgasmed before he even put it in
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