i already hear my dad disowning me
I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
Should I have kids to fix a relationship??
I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
threw up in my backpack again. Asian guy I cheat from wasn't pleased.
Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
Church parking lot, park bench, front porch. I think she's more comfortable going down on me in public. May have found the one.
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
I just want a simple guy who likes cats, tattoos, and doing coke off my tits.
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
After 8 hours of circus trick sex, his parents are both hugging me and kissing me on the cheek asking when I'm coming back over. Score?
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
Randomize
