I am choosing my outfit based on how fast I can get it off. Please help.
I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
That's cool how's he been?
He got hit in the face with a beer bottle so he has two black eyes and 13 stitches.. He hasnt changed much.
just found out this city drinks more beer during oktoberfest than rhode island does in a year.. i'm never leaving
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
i told the cop we knew everyone at the party, it was 250 of our closest friends and she's like funny nobody on the balcony knew whose house this was
Thats why they were on the balcony!
I was Jaeger weird. I was rolling on the floor pretending to be an Olympic gymnast and my name was Gina
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
2017 is gonna be explosive... Already watching fireworks out the window while shit my brains out. Happy Ew Year
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR
Teacher vividly described one of the times he did shrooms, sat down, sighed, and told everyone to go do drugs and let us out 15 minutes into class. I love community colleges
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
Randomize
