and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
im doing shots everytime lil jon says it in the song shots....blackout town here i come
just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
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I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
He threw up the X he took like 30min before then when we thought his antics were over... BOOM! He tried to pee out a light he was holding.
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
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I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
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