We're facebook friends in real life
before i die, we are going to oregon and playing oregon trails for real. like putting things in a hat & people will pull out whether they live or die. and they die of fun things like typhoid, dysentary, or hunting accident.
I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
I slept with him because his girlfriend should know better than to be with him given is reputation. It was like sex and a lesson all in one.
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
I fill condoms, not promises.
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
The last thing I remember is him yelling from across the room "WE FINISHED THE HANDLE!"
It was 11pm.
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
Randomize
