Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
I found a dealer that takes plastic. I'm so in trouble.
I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
I knocked myself out momentarily last night when I fell and hit my head off of my jewelry box while trying to take his pants off... while he was passed out.
You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
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