Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk.
Error 1684C: You're last text was undeeliverable. Subscriber is our to the aera.
No, that was before the police came, but after the hooker.
I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
stopped you just in time from sledding down the roof.
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
My orgasm happened in two different decades
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