its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
just remember the most important rule of taking psychedelics: monsters can't get through blankets
Take the weirdness of Japan and add the insanity of Florida and that's Jimmy
My only contacts are booty calls or the club hockey team.
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
He just seemed to happy to be having sex with me that it ruined the mood for me. I just wanted to punch him.
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
Randomize
